Author: hovering love

measure

by hovering love

“All throughout his time with his disciples, Jesus had demonstrated a deep and tender love for them. And now he longed to show them the full measure of his love.”  John 13:1

Dear Jesus,

What does it look like for you to demonstrate the “full measure of your love” for me?  The full measure of your love appears to be that it’s immeasurable, far too vast and never-ending to sufficiently survey, value or assess.  How do I measure that which is immeasurable?  I don’t believe that I can; the very best that I can do is simply allow myself to receive and experience its fullest effects.

What does it look like for me to demonstrate the “full measure of my love” for you, and for others? I’ve never deluded myself by imagining that the same could be said of my love—immeasurable.  However, I have been created in your image—the image of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. If that is true, and I believe it is, then I cautiously suspect that the real measure of my love is much different than I’ve ever reckoned it to be.  In your image, it only makes sense that the love that my heart and soul have to offer is much larger, deeper and longer lasting than anything I’m usually inclined to give it credit for, or even explore.  I believe this to be true; yet, help me in my unbelief.  I often feel that I don’t have much love to give.  At the same time, I do realize that the smallest amount of love can go a long way—if I am willing to take the risk to put it out there, express it, and demonstrate it  and  if I can just get past the fear.

Throughout my life, love has frequently felt like a dangerous experience for me—like inadvertently placing myself out on a limb that someone is already in the process of sawing off.  As a result, I’ve learned to “measure” out my love, with the care, caution and hypersensitivity of a frightened animal.  This is the condition of my heart and soul without the touch and transformation of your immeasurable love.  But now that your touch and transformation have come to me, I must realize that the measure of my love is no longer as it was.  The cowering, frightened animal is an illusion, not my reality.  The time has come for me to say “good bye” to the fear so I can live into the real, renewed measure of my love, both for you and for others.  It’s time for me to step into and rejoice in my own immeasurable love—the share of your divinity that you have placed within me.  If I promise to exercise the measure of courage that I possess, will you show me what it looks like for me to demonstrate the full measure of my love?

As always,

I am yours, and yours alone.

 

geese

by hovering love

“Even now, I know that whatever you ask God he will give you . . . I know that he will be raised up in the resurrection at the end of time . . . All along I have believed that you are the Messiah, the Son of God who comes into the world.” John 11:22, 24, 27 (The Message)

Martha has known and believed the truth about Jesus “all along”. She believes she’ll see her brother, Lazarus, again at the resurrection at the end of time (she’s obviously not a Sadducee). She also believes that God gives Jesus whatever he asks for. Lazarus has died and been in the tomb for 4 days. What hope is Martha harboring in her heart and soul? The yearning to have her brother alive again is powerfully strong, but would it ever occur to her to ask Jesus to restore Lazarus to life today—not just at the end of time? How far into the unimaginable does Martha’s knowledge and belief extend? Could she ever be bold enough to ask Jesus for such a thing to occur in the present moment?

I relate to Martha. Like her, I know and believe in Jesus as Messiah, Son of God. He is my Savior, Brother, Friend, and Shepherd. But how far into the unimaginable does my knowledge, belief and faith extend? Far too often, I feel that my knowledge, belief and faith are too limited by my earthly experiences of life and by my thoughts. Like most humans, my thoughts throughout the day frequently resemble a cocktail party of geese—honking loudly and persistently with little depth or any real thinking involved. With that kind of racket going on, how can anyone hope to think clearly and perceptively at all? I yearn to be set free from these limitations, but I also fear what I don’t know and have never personally experienced. How can I escape the “geese” and enter into that place where real thinking occurs and true insight is perceived—my own heart and soul?

As I sit still, quieting my own heart and mind, I can perceive more than I could otherwise imagine. Is it possible that deep down within Martha’s heart and soul, she knows what she wants (Lazarus to arise from death now) and she knows and believes that Jesus can make it happen? That sounds like both insight and perception. But her conscious thinking (geese) can’t relate or even consider this due to the limited earthly experience that she’s had (she’s only been taught and believes that resurrection occurs in the end times). However, her heart and soul know the truth, even if her thoughts are lagging behind. Without her realizing it, her heart and soul speak the truth of her desire and beliefs without her conscious thoughts having a clue to the truth and reality that her heart and soul possess. Like all humans, Martha needs to trust and live from her heart and soul (that’s what makes her human) and not from her geese-like thoughts or limited ability to logically reason (that’s what makes her earthly, and influenced by Western philosophy). Just like Martha, so do I! Only then will I be set free from my limitations. Only then will I experience the fullness of life in Christ that both Jesus and I yearn for me to have, live and be.

Show me how this transformation works, Jesus. Please enable my heart and soul knowledge, faith and belief to be the reality of my daily life experience. Amen!

 

 

 

valentine

by hovering love

I grew up as the only child of a single mom when divorce was uncommon and shame was attached to being from a “broken home”. My parents were separated while my mom was pregnant with me, and their divorce became final when I was only months old. The divorce was final in every way—I was completely abandoned by my father and his entire family upon my birth. As my mom slowly obtained better jobs with slowly increasing pay, we moved a lot—on average once every two years—to better apartments, better neighborhoods, better schools. As a child growing up, “love” for me consisted of very simple things: my mom picking me up from daycare and taking me home at the end of a long day; my grandma loving and respecting me for who I was (NO shame) and caring for me as her own child when my mom needed a hand; my grandpa allowing me to wrestle the slightest of grins from his lips as a result of the most absurd antics on my part (he had a tender heart, but was outwardly rather stoic); and my beloved confidante and pet poodle, Crissie, letting me dress her in my Chatty Cathy clothes to play and licking my tears away when she was the only one who saw me cry.

Like everyone else, I grew up as best I could. Adolescence and adulthood brought a myriad of complexities, struggles, stresses, and expectations—from the world around me, from loved ones and friends, and from myself. I had thought that when I grew up I would have all the answers and know which way to go, but I found out just how little I knew and how directionless I could be. Life and love didn’t seem so simple any more. Fortunately, that wasn’t to be the final trajectory of my life. Someone who had been watching over me as I progressed from birth (and even before then) made himself known to me: God. Hesitantly and warily at first, I slowly found myself grabbing for every bit of life and love, knowledge and understanding, direction and peace that God had to offer to me. Our journey together began 49 years ago, and I have experienced much in that time. I have wandered near and far, passing through many and varied stages, phases and developmental changes. Though I can easily become flustered and frustrated with life and myself on planet earth, I have come to accept the fact that I know very little and often have no idea of where I’m going next. It is a conundrum to me, but I have learned to be at peace with this truth and my reality.

From time to time, I feel unsettled, tired and confused—I sense that God is trying to teach me something that I can’t yet see or hear or perceive or understand or live. I want to know and live the truth—about God, about myself, about others, about life, about love. I desire the freedom to be all that God created me to be, and desires for me. I long for that which outwardly appears complex, but inwardly is really rather simple. That’s when God reminds me that his love and longing for me is strong, powerful, unbeatable and unending. He never has and never will leave me alone. He is completely and absolutely trustworthy. He watches me proudly as I continue to embrace all that I do know, perceive, understand and live regarding God and his kingdom ways. And he is always there to help me as I wait attentively and anticipate expectantly what he will reveal to me, and how he will direct me in all the days that I have yet to come.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Father God, Son Jesus, and Holy Spirit!

You are worthy of my love, and you have it. Your love for me is REAL!

question

by hovering love

“He said to them, ‘How is it then that David, speaking by the Spirit, calls him ‘Lord’?” Mt. 22:43 (TNIV)

Religion scholars were frequently asking Jesus questions in an effort to trap him with his own words. Such was the case in this passage of Scripture, but on this occasion Jesus asks them questions in return. He asks them whose son the Messiah is, and they respond by saying he is the son of David. Then Jesus asks the above question. The religion scholars have no answer. They don’t attempt to bait Jesus with any more questions, either.

I’m surprised that the religion scholars had no concept of Messiah being God Incarnate as a descendant of David—a person walking earth who was fully God and fully man. The answer to Jesus’ question above seems simple to me, but I know a much fuller version of the story, and from the position of hindsight. The religion scholars were doing their best to discern truth regarding someone they expected to come in the future and whom they expected to be fully human—just like all the other prophets who had come before. If they hadn’t been so concerned with possessing power and proving themselves to be “right” (and proving Jesus to be “wrong”), I wonder if they could have experienced an unanticipated illumination of truth from Jesus—one that they were not able to perceive or understand from Scripture alone? I hope so for my own sake! The intent and approach of the heart can make all the difference, and God sees the heart. Illumination seems to be given based upon the condition of the heart—or does it? As I recall, Caiaphas prophesied regarding the necessity of Jesus’ death (John 11:50) – he was illuminated, not because his heart was close to God but because he had the religious authority to condemn Jesus to death, thus fulfilling God’s plan for mankind. So, where does this leave me?

As I consider this, I hear God ask me a question. “You only know what I reveal to you, in accordance with my own purposes and plans. ‘How is it then’ that you perceive and understand anything about me? It is a gift, from me to you, and nothing that you can claim or take credit for. Receive what I give to you with humility and the full confidence that I desire to give you all that I have and am—because I love you, and because I want you to share in my plans and my glory.”

cat

by hovering love

“For against its will the universe itself has had to endure the empty futility resulting from the consequences of human sin. But now, with eager expectation, all creation longs for freedom from its slavery to decay and to experience with us the wonderful freedom coming to God’s children.” Romans 8:20, 21 (TPT)

I recently attended a one-day retreat at a local monastery, and I decided to arrive one day early so I could bask in some quiet solitude before the retreat began. I had been reading through the book titled Discernment by Henri Nouwen, and I took the book with me for more reading and reflection. As I pondered chapter 4, entitled Read the Book of Nature, I began to perceive Romans 8:20, 21 in a new way. I had understood that all of creation is “groaning” as it waits for Christ’s return and the renewal of all things, but I had never really considered nature’s experience of this. I read this verse in several Bible translations and I was struck by how The Passion Translation expressed its meaning. Phrases like “against its will” and “consequences” and “slavery” grabbed my attention and imagination. I know from my own life experience that it’s hard enough to suffer consequences as a result of your own poor choices, but to suffer the consequences of others’ poor choices really sucks big time—and this is what all of creation has been experiencing throughout time: consequences resulting from the choices of others. I have always loved and enjoyed nature, but this epiphany led me to a new and deeper empathy for nature.

I suddenly had a desire to walk among the grove of trees on the monastery grounds so I went outside for a stroll. As I walked through the trees, I began to wonder which ones where my age and which ones were older than I. I came to one tree whose trunk was too immense for me to reach around, and I knew that this tree was certainly my elder. I took a very good, long look at this tree. Winter had removed all of its leaves and I was able to notice its shape, places of scars and brokenness as well as the smaller branches of the previous summer’s growth. I saw the tree as a being, not a thing, and my heart broke. I found myself apologizing, out loud, to the tree for the consequences that it has experienced as a result of my choices and those of the rest of humankind. I asked for the tree’s forgiveness. As I stood with the tree, I felt a sense of inner peace, and I took that to mean that I had been forgiven. I felt very thankful for the solemn and sacred moment that we had shared.

I walked on through more of the trees, sitting under a few as I soaked up the thin warmth of the winter sun. I felt an amiable companionship between us all. As I walked back toward the building where I was staying, I passed an old building where the sisters make pottery. The door to the building had a small “cat door” in the bottom and I noticed a cat sitting just outside the door, soaking up the warmth of the late afternoon sun. At first she didn’t seem to notice my presence, but then her eyes opened. She looked directly at me, a look of stereotypical feline aloofness. I smiled and nodded in return. We gazed at each other for a few moments and then I spoke to her, out loud, as I had to the tree. I apologized for disturbing her peaceful enjoyment of the sun. She just looked at me, expressing nothing, as cats often do. Then I asked for her forgiveness, as I had done with the tree. For a moment or two, she continued to just look at me. Then she closed her eyes and slowly nodded her head up and down three times. She opened her eyes, gazing at me as she had done before, and then she turned and disappeared through the cat door into the pottery building. I was dumbfounded and amazed, but I felt no doubt that she also had forgiven me . . . just like the tree. I have no idea what the cat’s name is, but I have chosen to remember her as Grace. I felt humbled by the kindness of the tree and the cat, and the generous hospitality of all of nature to share its home with me. I have never felt more one with all of creation than at that moment! I intend to continue to ask nature, and all of creation, for forgiveness. To do so is the way of reconciliation and peace.

offer

by hovering love

“He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.” John 6:6 (TNIV)

Many who’ve “already decided what they’re going to do” will ask questions of others merely to obtain affirmation and support of their plan—not to obtain wisdom or advice regarding their plan. If the others express agreement, the person may feel justified in their decision. If the others disagree, the person may feel offended and defensive, choosing not to listen due to some excuse. Few people will actually listen to and consider the words of others once they’ve made up their mind to proceed in a certain manner. That’s why, when presented with these kinds of questions from others, my emotional response is often one of ambivalence and wariness.

Jesus has spent the day teaching and now he finds himself surrounded by a huge crowd of hungry people (at least 5,000 in number). He asks his disciple, Philip, where they can buy enough bread to feed these folks. Jesus is fully human, but he approaches earthly life from a heavenly perspective. He doesn’t ask his questions seeking affirmation or justification from Philip. Jesus perceives this to be a teaching moment—he asks for the sake of others, not for his own sake. I don’t imagine that Philip felt grateful to be put on the spot in this way; he may have felt rather ambivalent and wary, himself. But Jesus’ reason for questioning Philip causes my own emotions to change. My ambivalence and wariness become gratitude when I understand that Jesus’ purpose is to teach and encourage growth—in Philip and myself. Philip’s response reveals his belief that Jesus’ intention of feeding the crowd is not only crazy; it’s impossible as well. Another disciple, Andrew, weighs in by sharing his observation of a boy’s lunch but he ends with, “but how far will that go among so many?” Andrew’s openness to possibilities beyond his grasp is greater than Philip’s, but it’s still sadly lacking. He, too, suffers from the ambivalence (and doubt) that results from not being able to perceive the unlimited resources of God.

I frequently desire to be of assistance and service to others, but then I am easily discouraged and overwhelmed by the shear size of the need. Like Philip, satisfying the need as I see it can appear impossible to me. I desire to be more like Andrew—noticing what is readily at hand, and open to the idea that what is available could be of help. But even Andrew couldn’t take it far enough. Left to Philip, Andrew and myself, the crowd would have walked home hungry. Not so with Jesus—as he taught Philip and Andrew that day, he teaches me now:

“My beloved child, why do you allow yourself to become discouraged and overwhelmed. I never ask you to solve the entire problem, or to serve perfectly—I only ask you to willingly offer what you can. Never fear that what you have to offer is not enough. Give what you can with the joy of knowing that I delight in producing huge results from small offerings. The true value of what you have to offer is always immense in my hands. I multiply all that you give to meet the need and get the job completed well. Be encouraged, my child. I will always guide you and enlarge all that you offer to me.”

I want to take it farther than Philip and Andrew—I want to be able to believe that what’s available, in God’s hands, really is enough. How about you?

 

simple

by hovering love

“But Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and often thought about them.” Luke 2:19  (Living Bible)

What a year Mary has had: visited by an angel and told she’s going to have a baby, living with the gossip in her village regarding her “situation”, being forced to travel about 80 miles on foot/donkey (a 4 day journey) to register for a Roman census in Bethlehem, giving birth to her first child in a stable with only Joseph there to assist! No doubt, she was exhausted. She must have felt spent in every way. I imagine her with Joseph in a town where they and their “situation” are not known, finding peace in their anonymity away from the people in town, relief in a healthy childbirth and wonder-filled joy in Mary’s newborn son. All too soon, they’re burst in upon by an exuberant group of shepherds with a remarkable tale of angels and the glory of God, revealing a secret that had been shared by Joseph and Mary alone to all who will listen. Mary knew what it was like to be visited by an angel, and she instantly knew in her heart that the tale of the shepherds was true. Mary’s secret is now revealed, but in a way that redeems her reputation and restores her soul—if not in Nazareth, at least in Bethlehem. What a kind and timely Christmas gift for this new mother! No small wonder that she is treasuring it all up deep within her heart!

God sends one angel to deliver the message to Mary and the shepherds, but then accentuates the breadth of this event with a full army of angels that sing of God’s glory and grace. Amazing! God shares his secret plans with a simple young woman and he proclaims its fulfillment through a group of simple shepherds. I can’t help but wonder why did the angels appear to the shepherds and not to heads of state, or at least the local rabbi? As I ponder this question, I hear the following:

“My child, my glory is most profound and powerful when it is housed and professed by that which is small and simple, unimpressive and unpretentious. This is where my glory shines the brightest and my joy is most complete. Be just and only who you are—my precious, chosen child—today and every day. This is how my glory will be most profoundly and powerfully seen in and professed through you.“

Amen!

yes

by hovering love

“Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.” Luke 1:30 (TNIV)

“Yes, I see it all now: I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.” Luke 1:38 (The Message)

Understandably, Mary is shaken by what’s happening to her: being visited by an angel, being told she’ll conceive a baby via the Holy Spirit, and give birth to God’s son. Remarkable! Extraordinary! This is way too much for any mere mortal to take in; yet, the angel provides Mary with just enough information to enable Mary to “see” what she needs to see in order for her to make the choice to agree with God and surrender herself to God’s plan—for herself, and the world. Of course, she “sees” so little at this point—hardly anything compared with all that she can’t see yet. But she sees enough, and acts upon what she does see. Overwhelmed as she must be by her circumstances, Mary does not give in to her fears. Her response to the angel, and to God, is “Yes.” I’m delighted and amazed by Mary’s simple, childlike faith in God. I’m a bit amused by her naivety, imagining that she sees it all. I’m also filled with wonder and awe of God’s tender love for the young woman that he has chosen to be his mother!

Though Mary’s and my circumstances are so very different, there is one way in which we (and all of humanity) are very similar. There is so little that we humans do see, so little that we do know; yet, God always gives us just enough insight to act upon. That kind of situation seems scary, but God tells us not to fear. God’s tender love for us all is sure and unchanging, and his word to us never fails. I hear his words to me now:

“Hold firmly, tightly, onto what child-like faith that you have. Just as I chose Mary to be my mother, I have chosen you to be my sister, friend and full-time companion. Say “Yes” to me unreservedly and I will birth myself within you—freeing you to be your true self and empowering you to be my partner for life, eternally loving and being loved by Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I have chosen to live and love in and through you! Say, “Yes”!

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, may it be to me according to your word! Amen!

law

by hovering love

“Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” John 8:4,5 (TNIV)

What, indeed! The teachers of the law and the religious leaders are attempting to trap Jesus in some form of religious infraction, yet again. My gut reaction to this situation is one of anger, and it takes the form of challenging these teachers of the law with the law itself. If these teachers know their subject, they know that both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be equally judged and condemned together (Leviticus 20:10). These teachers and leaders say that this woman was “caught in the act“ of adultery and yet she is presented alone. Surely these accusers are smart enough to know that the sin of adultery is an act that requires two participants, not one alone (there is a name for engaging in a sexual act all by yourself, but “adultery” isn’t it). How can their charge be taken seriously from a legal viewpoint if the accused isn’t capable of committing the sin alone, and no other participant was apparently seen or apprehended when the woman was “caught in the act”? I am not a legal professional, but if I were the judge, this is where I would slam down my gavel, declare the woman innocent of all charges brought against her, invite her to leave the courtroom as a free person, dismiss the case for the sham that it is, and penalize the accusers in some manner for their obvious disrespect of my courtroom and the law itself!

Jesus, however, goes much deeper than I. By responding, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her,” Jesus goes into the heart and soul of every person present in the temple courtyard (where this incident took place) that day. I would have exposed the charge against this woman as a sham, but Jesus exposed the hearts and souls of all present as being sinful and in need of forgiveness, as well as in need of compassion and grace for their fellow humans. My anger-driven response keeps me shallow, causing me to accomplish nothing more than acting just as disrespectful of the accusers as they were of the woman, the Law and God. I’m so impressed by and so grateful for the depth of perception, insight and wisdom of Jesus!

God’s Law is both good and just, but it is impossible to obey and uphold in goodness and true justice in a sinful environment by sinful people. God’s Law is too pure for sinful mankind to process and use in correctness of action as well as correctness of heart. I know this to be true in my mind, but has the depth of it penetrated my heart yet? Only God, in his perfection, can uphold not only the letter but also the spirit of the Law simultaneously. God’s Law is beyond me, as are his compassion, forgiveness, mercy, love and grace. His Law is pure, as are his attributes. They all belong, not just in my mind but also in my heart, and both places are where I long for them to reside. I am in debt to God regarding the Law and his love for me.

awaiting

by hovering love

“When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.” Luke 21:28 (TNIV)

Prophecy is a curious thing. In one regard, this passage in the gospel of Luke is talking about the utter destruction of Jerusalem in 70A.D. In another regard, this passage is talking about another event entirely that is still yet to occur—Jesus’ return to earth. I wonder if the people who were hearing Jesus’ words expected both events to occur at the same time? I wonder if they were disappointed and disheartened when they didn’t? How horrible for them to experience the destruction of Jerusalem in 70A.D. only to have Jesus NOT return at that time!   I wonder if the experience of the one event without the other shattered the faith of the Christians at that time, or if they were wise enough (or fortunate enough to have perceived the Holy Spirit’s reminder) of the multi-faceted nature of prophecy in Scripture (one fulfillment in the near future and one for the far off future)? My heart goes out to each person in Jerusalem in 70A.D.; their suffering must have been devastating. I feel for the Christians in Jerusalem at that time—their trauma was not only physical, but spiritual as well. If ever a time was ripe for them to experience a “faith crisis”, that would be it.

As many may still be awaiting Messiah’s advent, I am awaiting his return. In the meantime, I consider the affect of these words upon me for today? What “devastation” is before me, and why would God instruct me to “stand up and lift up my head, because my redemption is drawing near” in the midst of it? As I quietly listen, this is what I hear:

“No redemption occurs without suffering and loss. Your own attachments to what you think, believe, expect, perceive, have, etc. must first be attacked and dislodged before whatever you truly are and have can be redeemed by the Holy Spirit for the purposes and glory of God. This is destructive, but what it destroys are the illusions, delusions, falsehoods and unrealities in your life and being. This destruction is traumatic but good, providing life and freedom for you that you have never known. Therefore, face these experiences in an upright position with your head high—confidant that I am in them, deconstructing the false for the purpose of reconstructing the true, for your good and my glory. As you await the completion of this transformation, be at peace and follow me.”