conflicted

by hovering love

“ . . . what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Mark 10:17 (TNIV)

“ . . . what must I do to get eternal life?” Mark 10:17 (The Message)

“Jesus looked him hard in the eye—and loved him!” Mark 10:21 (The Message)

“He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go.” Mark 10:22 (The Message)

This wealthy young man enthusiastically approaches Jesus with the desire to inherit (a term of wealth) or get (a term of consumerism) eternal life. Some of his desire must have been genuine and sincere because when Jesus looks deeply into his heart and soul, Jesus loves him. But then Jesus tells him to do the last thing that he expected—turn your back on what has been the focus of your life up to this moment in time (wealth, possessions, status, clout, etc.) and become a vagrant who follows a teacher around from town to town. No doubt this young man felt very alarmed by what he had heard. Jesus’ request offered none of the things that this wealthy young man was accustomed to in life and it required more than he ever imagined would be asked of him. How could this kind of drastic action be good for him? I wonder why he approached Jesus in the first place? Did he think he’d be “adding to his treasures” by getting eternal life, too? Why does anyone approach Jesus in the first place? I don’t know and it’s not my place to judge, but one thing is certain: this young man had no idea of what he was asking for. He had no idea that what he sought to get from Jesus was of a much greater value and cost than what he already possessed—and it was just too much for him to accept (or follow through on) at that moment in his life. Jesus’ words were too far removed from what this young man had anticipated hearing and he was overwhelmed. So he walked away feeling conflicted and heartbroken about the choice that Jesus had set before him. I don’t know if the passage of time enabled this young man to change his mind and choose differently, but I’m hoping that he did. Jesus is patient and respectful with those he loves, allowing them the time they need to process and grow.

So . . . what about me? What is God asking of me, in this moment of my life, that I feel is too much to ask? What am I seeking in this moment and what am I willing to give in order to get it? What am I holding too tightly onto, and what will it take for me to relax my clenched fist? Why do I not simply open my hands and let go so I can be free to follow Jesus?

What about you?

believe

by hovering love

“According to your faith let it be done to you” Matthew 9:29 (TNIV)

“Become what you believe.” Matthew 9:29 (The Message)

Faith, belief, hope, trust, reliance, confidence, certainty, dependence, presumption – these are words with similar, inter-changeable meanings. They are also words that shed light upon who we are and who we become.

Interestingly enough, we do become what we believe. Those who believe in mercy become merciful, in compassion become compassionate and in grace become gracious and graceful in every way. Those who have faith in the healing power of forgiveness experience forgiveness and share the same with others. Those who presume to judge become judgmental; those who view self and others with hatred or superiority become hateful or prejudiced. Those who rely upon themselves become narcissistic and those who rely too much upon others have a tendency to deny and devalue themselves. If I place my hope in education and my trust in wealth, then I may worship endeavor or accomplishment but discredit and mistrust those who are not like myself. Those who have confidence in commonly believed lies become liars simply by passing on that which is not true. And on and on and on. We humans are complex, a mixture and blending of many things, and the presenting result can be anywhere from delightful all the way to horrifying. I have no desire to be horrifying, myself, or to be around others who are horrifying. I would much prefer the pursuit of “delightful” for myself (and others) instead. If I will become what I believe then I want to be aware and certain of what I’m believing and why and when. This is very sobering but also very good. It means that I have choices and so do you.

In the past, I’ve only read Matthew 9:29 in terms of the amount of faith that I have in Jesus. Truth be told, I have faith in many things, people, ideas, principles, etc. other than Jesus, as well. So the verse above could be read in a different light: “According to whatever you’re placing your faith in and to what extent at any given moment in time, let it be done to you”.   Seeing things in a different light can be scary but also bring about positive growth. As I take stock of what I believe, I confess that some of it is lovingly affirming, some of it is unreal and untrue, and some of it is harsh and destructive. No doubt the same is true for you. I have a choice. I can consider my beliefs and make changes and corrections where needed, or not. But I can’t do this alone; I do need Love and Truth to act as my guides.

What will I choose to believe today? What will you?

blendering

by hovering love

Psalms 34:8  “Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him.” (The Message)

I was chatting with a friend one morning and we came up with the idea that life is something that we “blender through”. Let me explain. Life is always throwing something new into the mix, kind of like a person who likes to indiscriminately experiment with their morning smoothie. For example, when you finally get to go on a long-awaited special vacation and while you’re there your body seems intent upon developing a sinus infection.

By the way, I like to try new things but I’m not an indiscriminate experimenter – I have a fondness for knowing that what comes out of the blender in the end will not only be edible, it will actually be tasty and definitely NOT disgustingly foul. I also don’t want anyone to throw anything into the blender without my foreknowledge and approval, only to find out later that something new has been added to the mix but I don’t know what it is. That kind of “not knowing” can be very irritating where smoothies are concerned and highly anxiety producing in other more important areas of life. However, this is what life does to us on an uncomfortably regular basis. And the best that we can do is “blender through”. But what does that look like when you’re on vacation and fighting off a sinus infection instead of having a good time?

Fortunately for me, another friend had given me some of her peppermint oil beadlets, which I had absent-mindedly stashed in my purse. She had said they were great for sinus problems and anti-bacterial in nature, so I decided to give them a try. Not only did they help to keep my sinuses clear, they also did a good job of fighting off the bacteria that was copulating madly in an effort to make me really sick. I’m not sure how many months the beadlets had been sitting in my purse, unused and forgotten. I’m just thankful they were there when I finally remembered them and was desperate enough to take the risk to give them a try. I became aware of the value of my friend’s thoughtful and generous gift, which was greatly appreciated, and I experienced her loving gesture just when I needed it most.

In addition, the fact that my body was fighting off this illness drove home the point that I was on vacation for a reason: to vacate my everyday life, relax, get some good rest and slow my pace to an amiable stroll. Because of and in spite of my illness, I had a great vacation that I thoroughly enjoyed!

Oddly enough and here again, my unwanted illness and my friend’s caring gift were two more examples of how Love hovers over my soul. Awareness of this truth can be difficult at times, especially when the swirl of the “blender” is fast and loud. But this awareness is possible if I’m paying attention and I’m willing to taste it and see it for what it is.

 

 

beginnings

by hovering love

Genesis 1:2  “Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.”

When I read this, its relevance to me hit me.  I thought, “This reflects me, resounds with me, and informs me: my past, my present and probably my future”.

Throughout my life, I have experienced some manner of formlessness, emptiness, and/or being in the dark.  Who am I?  Why am I here?  What’s going on?  Why me?  What can I do about it?  What do I want?  Does it really matter?  I’m sure that you get the picture.  And yet, as I look back, I can now see that Love has always been there, hovering over my soul.  I did nothing to deserve this, but it is true nonetheless.  As I consider my present life, today, this moment I am doing nothing to deserve the presence of this Love that hovers over my soul, yet I have learned to look for it and see the evidence that it is still here.  I have come to anticipate and expect its presence – not in an arrogant, presumptuous or entitled manner, but in an honest recognition of my humble need for it.  And as I look to my future, I have a hope-infused sense of peace that it will continue to reside with me there, as well.

I can’t prove it, produce it or provide it for myself or anyone else – it is purely a gift, an out-pouring of the nature of Life itself, but I do desire to enjoy it and share it with others to whatever extent that I can.  That’s why this blog is being written and shared with you.  Perhaps my recognition of the Love that hovers over my soul will encourage you to take the risk to seek and enjoy the Love that hovers over your soul, too.