Tag: church

lament

by hovering love

Dear Lord, Abba Father, you have healed many wounds in my heart, soul and spirit through the years, the decades.  I know that you have seen needs and wounds that I could not look at, and you have gently debrided and cleansed and healed them all.  Thank you.

But now my body is failing me simply because I am growing old.  Lord Jesus, you who never felt the ravages of old age, how can you empathize with me now?  You suffered horrible wounds, but they passed from you quickly, in a matter of hours, through the coming of your death.  My pain lingers on, year after year after year, and grows worse with each passing day.  In what way have you gone before me, to lead me through my physical decline?

I am your humble follower, human in every way.  Forgive me of my sins, my doubts, my grumbling and my lack of deep trust and reliance upon you.

I do not ask that you heal me of this degenerative disease.  I know that it is a reasonable companion — evidence that you have sustained and blessed me with long life so far.  But I do ask that you would use my suffering to make me more and more like Christ — fully human and yet divine, a bearer and sharer of your mercy, love and grace.  Nothing more fully embodies despair than to suffer in vain, for no purpose or gain.  Let my suffering produce transformation within my heart, spirit and soul — transformation that fills me to overflowing; an overflow of love, compassion and grace that impacts everyone around me.  Give me strength and courage to suffer well.

“You are my precious child always, regardless of your earthly age.  I will be with you.  I will walk through this with you.  I will produce the very nature of Christ within you through your pain.”

Thank you for your generous mercy and grace.  Thank you for the depth of your love for me — deeper than the deepest depth that I can imagine.  Thank you for bringing me into union with you through the vehicle of my earthly physical pain.

Amen!

 

testing

by hovering love

“Afterward, the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the lonely wilderness in order to reveal his strength against the accuser by going through the ordeal of testing.”  Matthew 4:1 (TPT)

Jesus had just spent 40 days in a desert wilderness where he’d experienced total isolation from all human interaction, food, water, creature comforts, safety, etc.  It’s not surprising when Scripture says that at the end of this time, Jesus was extremely hungry.  And if that wasn’t horrible enough, this isolation (and deprivation) was followed by Satan’s attempts to manipulate and use Jesus for his own purposes and pleasures.  He swooped in during Jesus’ vulnerable condition with three “offers” that both questioned Jesus’ identity and his ability to live up to his identity.  As he goaded Jesus towards falling into his traps, Satan’s disrespect and loathing for Jesus were apparent.  However, Jesus didn’t succumb to the goading.  He turned Satan’s yearning attempts for power into a demonstration of his own real power.  I can only imagine how jealous Satan must have felt, as well as, humiliated and furious!

My question in all of this is, “Why?”  Why was it necessary for Jesus to experience these traumas in the first place, let alone for what must have felt like an unending amount of time.  I find the answer in The Passion Translation of the above verse: “in order to reveal his strength against the accuser”.  The purpose of this testing was to reveal to Jesus the power that already dwelt within him; what it was, how it felt, and how to draw upon and use it properly and appropriately at all times.  Jesus needed to know these things before he could really begin to do the work that he’d been sent to do.  This horrible test was not only a preparation, but also a purification for his role as Messiah.  We’ve all heard that absolute power corrupts absolutely, and the man Jesus could have fallen prey to this truth just the same as the rest of us.  I have no doubt that Jesus could have zapped Satan right then and there; he may have even done so had Satan accosted him prior to experiencing this test.  Satan was (and still is) a master manipulator, and Jesus needed the knowledge and confidence that this experience would provide — knowledge and confidence in his ability to beat Satan at his games while always remaining true to himself, to his nature and to his desired purposes.  He had to know how to wield power with love.

This kind of testing is common to all of humanity.  I’ve experienced many tests of this kind — hard, dark times that felt as if they would never end.  As I look back over these times now, I can see that the answer to my question of “Why?” is no different.  Each experience has revealed more of my true nature to me, and shown me the real choices that I have before me.  I’ve been given the opportunity to observe and acknowledge the pitfalls of my faults (and neuroses) and to explore new ways of thinking, feeling, and responding to the life that I was living.  I’ve been given the time to see what needs to change in order for me to have the new life that I long to live.  I’ve also had my strengths and inward beauty revealed to me as things that I can draw upon and use to serve myself and others well.  It truly sucks that this kind of growth and refinement only seem to come as a result of leaning into and embracing times of isolation, deprivation and pain, but that does seem to be the case.  These horrible tests have always had a purpose that is good, for myself and for everyone around me, because they have moved me closer and closer to the purest form of my true self — the only self that can glorify God.

Perhaps our current pandemic situation finds you experiencing a similar time of testing.  It has been so for me.  As I continue to wait for the pandemic to end, I hear God say to me:  “Welcome this test and take it seriously.  Much change for the good can come from it, for you and for all of humanity.  Embrace this test as a friend, and trust me to bring you one step closer to all that you are meant to be in my love.”

Amen!      

dimensions

by hovering love

“Then Jesus looked him in the eyes and said, ‘Go back home now.  I promise you, your son will live and not die.’  The man believed in his heart the words of Jesus and set off for home.”  John 4:50 (TPT)

A frantic father asks Jesus to heal his dying son.  Jesus puts him off with, “Unless you people are dazzled by a miracle, you refuse to believe.” (John 4:48)  That sounds like an incredibly harsh response to me.  Was this father truly wanting only to be titillated by a fantastic miracle, or was he desperately wanting to save his son’s life?  As a parent, I’m guessing the latter to be true.  Why would it be wrong for the father to come to Jesus for help?  I confess that I find Jesus’ initial response to be frustrating, but his second response gives the father an opportunity to reveal what faith he does or does not possess.  When Jesus assures the father that his son will live, the father chooses to take Jesus at his word and believe it.  Then he acts upon what he believes by heading home without seeing any proof that what Jesus has said is true.  To the father’s delight, he is met along the road by one of his servants telling him that his son’s illness broke the day before at the very hour that Jesus said that he would live.  Unbounded relief and joy at his son’s return to health aside, this father must also have felt the sense of satisfaction that comes from proving your faith:  to Jesus, to yourself, and to others.  This story ends by telling us that the father’s entire household also believed in Jesus as a result of the father’s retelling of his own faith journey the day before.

Sometimes we believe within our mind, but it hasn’t yet worked its way down into our heart.  Perhaps that was the case with this father – when he approached Jesus with his request, he believed in his mind that Jesus could heal his son.  Jesus’ first response may have been meant to take this man even deeper in the belief that he already possessed.  It must have worked because after looking in Jesus’ eyes and hearing Jesus’ words of assurance, the father believed in his heart as well as in his mind.  As a result, many miracles occurred that day:  the healing of the son, the deepening of the father’s faith, and the beginning of each member of his household’s believing faith in Jesus.  No wonder the father was overjoyed!

There are so many levels, so many dimensions to our faith, our life and our being.  Miracles are never one-dimensional; they are always multi-dimensional.  Don’t just look for one miracle, look for and expect multiple miracles within what appears to be just one.

I hear God say to me, “I, the LORD, am multi-dimensional, and I work in ALL dimensions at once!”

Amen!

 

 

defense

by hovering love

“I can’t do a solitary thing on my own: I listen, then I decide.  You can trust my decision because I’m not out to get my own way but only to carry out orders.” John 5:30 (The Message)

“But my purpose is not to get your vote, and not to appeal to mere human testimony.  I’m speaking to you this way so that you will be saved.” John 5:34 (The Message)

 

The religious leaders are hounding Jesus again for proof of his credentials or authority to do the things that he’s doing.  In this passage, Jesus responds with a defense of himself (John 5:17).  I’m struck by the fact that Jesus defends himself in this situation and chooses not to defend himself later at the time of his death.  I can see from Jesus’ example that there is a time to defend yourself, and there is a time to stand silent before your accusers – but what criteria distinguishes the one time from the other?  Where does this defense come from within Jesus’ heart?  What is his inner motivation?

At this specific moment in time, Jesus is defending himself in this way so that his listeners will be saved.  His defense offers them information that is meant to enable them to believe who he is and find life in him.  How often do I defend myself for the purpose of “saving others”?  The honest answer to that question is: “NEVER”.  Defensiveness is usually a behavior that has a negative connotation – and for very good reason.  But Jesus’ “defensiveness” cannot be described as being negative; it’s actually quite selfless in nature and in purpose.  His defensiveness comes from a heart of love and concern for others.  My defensiveness is always selfish, self-serving and self-preserving.  I find Jesus’ brand of defensiveness to be very impressive, indeed!

As I sit with these insights a while, I hear God instruct me regarding the criteria that I am to follow:  if I sense that God is leading me to open my mouth and speak in my own defense, then I can trust God to give me the correct words that will enhance the life of my listener; but if, however, my defense will not benefit others in any way, then I need to keep my mouth shut and leave my defense in the capable hands of God.  How else can I follow Jesus’ example?  It’s as simple as that.

light

by hovering love

“ . . . No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness.  I provide plenty of light to live in.” John 8:12 (The Message)

“You decide according to what you can see and touch.  I don’t make judgments like that.”  John 8:15 (The Message)

 

I have certainly spent a fair amount of my life in some rather dark places—places where I felt or perceived absolutely no light at all.  And yet, I’m still here today following Jesus.  Amazing!  Jesus’ sight and judgment are “other worldly”.  I cannot perceive or understand them on my own.  Jesus graciously takes me by the hand and guides me through dark places—places where I can see and sense nothing, not even Jesus at times—towards the place where I can perceive His light again.  I don’t know why He’s chosen to do this for me, why His love and care for me are so great, but I am deeply grateful and thankful for it!

As I listen for God’s voice, in the current place of darkness that I find myself walking through, I hear Jesus say to me:

“I am providing plenty of light for you to walk with me through this difficult time.  Trust me, by holding tightly onto me, and I will guide you through to the light you seek.”

Thank you, Jesus, for your light, love and care.  Amen!

cairn

by hovering love

 

Cave Point, Door Co., WI – Version 2

 

“Jesus responded, “Listen to me.  If my followers were silenced, the very stones would break forth with praises.” Luke 19:40 (TPT)

As I approach the shoreline, I’m surprised to find something unexpected waiting for me.  The shoreline is simple, rocky and rugged, filled with small tidal pools (the water level is high).  The sky is a foggy blue and hosting a few gulls in flight.  I’m familiar with this scene, which is quiet and peaceful apart from the sound of waves upon the rocks and the gull’s occasional cries.  It’s a solitary scene – there’s not another human being in sight.  However, there is evidence of human presence all around me in the form of cairns – stone towers of varying shapes, sizes and heights; too many for me to count.  As I study some of the towers more closely, I’m amazed by their height and ability to remain standing.  Some stones are large and flat, good for stacking.  Some of the stones are small, unusually shaped and precariously placed.  These towers boggle my mind; the balancing act that keeps them upright defies my comprehension.  I’m in awe of their ability to stand at all, let alone through the movement of the waves.  As I ponder this marvel, Luke 19:40 pops into my mind.  I smile as I consider these stones; they have life and purpose, too, and I’m compelled to listen to their story.  They have something to teach me about God, and they offer me a sense of comfort and awe in the presence of this mystery.  They share a lesson in how God’s building techniques differ from those of mankind.  They also proclaim to me that I’m not alone on this earth – God’s creation is all around me at all times, being and living to enjoy their Creator.  I feel God’s loving presence in each cairn, wave and gull, and I’m thankful for the message of wonder and praise that they give.

As I quietly listen, I hear God say:

“My beloved child, everything that I build is built with wonder and mystery.  Many will look on and scoff at the simplicity of style, the unlikeliness of the materials that I choose and the ordinariness of the location itself.  Mankind looks for polish and finesse, things to puff the ego and impress.  I don’t build to puff or impress.  My building plan goes much deeper.  I build to bewilder the certain and delight the confused.  You will never be able to explain or understand how I build: in nature, in life, in love, in work and service, in relationships, in communities, in the hearts and souls of mankind, in anything.  But if you pay attention, you will know when I am the builder and when I am not.  My creations will always perplex, amaze, and mystify.  Keep your heart open and your mind free of concern; let my creations delight you.  Be available to be transparent and vulnerable as I call you to be.  Receive the redemption and transformation that I am building within you and through you.  Marvel at what my methods produce both in you and in others around you.  Entrust yourself to my mysterious methods and ways; they are tried and true.  Lean into my presence and follow me.”

 

miracle

by hovering love

“But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”  John 11:22 (NIV)

Martha is speaking to Jesus. She and her sister, Mary, have just lost their brother, Lazarus, who died four days earlier.  The unmarried sisters lived with their brother, and they all shared an intimate friendship with Jesus.  It appears that Martha has long filled the “mother” role: anticipating and perceiving needs, reviewing available resources, discerning what else must be acquired, completing tasks and getting the job done.  Perhaps Martha is doing that now regarding her and her sister’s future. These sisters live in a time and place where women are poorly valued; without an adult male to be aligned with, they are at the mercy of those who might be convinced to care and completely vulnerable to anyone who wants to take advantage of them.  Living with their brother provided Martha and Mary with the status, respect and protection they needed to survive, and now he is gone. Martha has always believed that Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah, the Son of God . . . but now?  In her loss and grief, when all status, provision and protection have been stripped from her and her sister, even now she knows that God will give Jesus whatever he asks for.  She is trusting and expecting that her dear friend and Messiah, Jesus, will ask God to provide for her needs, today and always.  An old word, not much heard today, comes to mind: stalwart.  Martha’s faith in Jesus is stalwart, impressively so.  She is believing in Jesus for a miracle!  Martha listens as Jesus begins to speak of resurrection, fully believing that Lazarus will be resurrected at the end of time.  She doesn’t begin to imagine that Lazarus will be resurrected before the end; being a human creature of earth, why would she? But she does have a miracle in mind. Perhaps, after so many years of being single, God will now provide good husbands for Martha and Mary; after all, alignment with a good man is what they have both lost and what they could both use now.  Is marriage the miracle that she is expecting?  Jesus tells her that he is resurrection and life now, and he asks her, “Do you believe this?”  Martha responds to Jesus’ question in the affirmative, and then she runs to tell Mary that Jesus is here and asking for her.

I am so impressed with Martha.  She is a person who knows how to get the job done, yet she doesn’t rely upon herself to provide for herself and her sister—this she leaves in the good and capable hands of Jesus.  In her severe pain, her belief in Jesus has not wavered.  I suspect that she’s simply believing in Jesus for a different miracle than the one he already plans to perform on her behalf.  I laugh with joy and excitement as I anticipate what is coming her way, and I wish I could be there to witness the experience!

As for me, I am currently experiencing circumstances that are causing me great pain.  I feel confused, disappointed, angry, helpless, fearful and heartbroken.  And I hear Jesus asking me the same thing that he asked Martha, “Do you believe this?”  I want to believe in Jesus for a miracle.  I am willing to believe in Jesus for a miracle.  I am trying to believe in Jesus for a miracle.  I am asking Jesus for a miracle.  Like Martha, I do have a miracle in mind, but I am beginning to realize that Jesus may already have a different miracle planned.  As I sit with this, I hear Jesus say to me:

“My beloved child, I know that you believe in me.  I know all that you believe, and your belief brings me great joy!  However, there is so much more that you do not know and have not yet experienced.  Therefore, there is still so much more that you have yet to believe.  Do not be discouraged when I ask you, “Do you believe this?”  I am simply introducing you to more and deeper knowledge and experience of myself, and I will ask you to believe more and deeper each step along the way.  Just like Martha, your faith is strong and you are well on your way!  Follow me. Your adventure with me has just begun!”

Ok!  Amen!

 

earn

by hovering love

“And when those who had been hired first came to be paid, they were convinced that they would receive more.” Matthew 20:10 (TPT)

“Why should my generosity make you jealous of them?” Matthew 20:15 (TPT)

Jesus describes the kingdom of God with a story about a landowner who hires people to work in his field. He hires many people as he comes across them throughout the day: at daybreak, at 9:00am, at noon, at 3:00pm and at 5:00pm. He agrees to pay the accepted daily wage with each person he employs. When evening comes, the workers line up (from the last hired to the first hired) to receive their pay. When the workers hired at daybreak see those hired at 5:00pm receiving the full “daily wage” amount, they assume and expect that they will receive much more pay. When they are also given the agreed upon daily wage amount, the same amount received by those who only worked one hour compared to the entire day that they worked, they become offended and angry. They complain to the landowner, calling his treatment of them unfair. The landowner denies any unfairness and reminds them that they received the amount that they agreed to. He also states that he has a right to spend his money as he sees fit, and he sees no reason why his generosity would justify their jealousy of others.

I can understand and appreciate the conflict described in this story. The workers are coming from the perspective and goal of earning money. The landowner is coming from the perspective and goal of extending grace and mercy while simultaneously getting his grapes harvested. The landowner is not just thinking of his own personal gain (completing the harvest); he’s also thinking about his community—providing jobs and income for all the people that he can, and being generous in the process. The earliest workers appear to have no complaints until they compare themselves with those who are hired last—turning their focus towards getting what they think they deserve in comparison to what they believe others have earned. Their code of justice is offended, and they resent being viewed in the same light as others that they believe to be less deserving. I admit that I understand their anger. In the world system, which is based upon earning what you get, their experience is completely unfair—it is, in fact, downright un-American! But the landowner, who represents God, has a different system with a whole different view of justice—it cannot be “earned”, it can only be received. God’s justice is based on grace, mercy and love, not what you’ve done (earned) or not done. Therein lies the rub: world system vs. heaven system. I’m happy and grateful to be a recipient of God’s grace, mercy and love. But am I equally happy and grateful to observe others, who I believe to be less deserving, receive God’s grace, mercy and love as well? Am I humble enough to view myself as being in the same “undeserving boat” with others, especially those who I view as being thoroughly inhumane—unloving, uncaring and un-repentant? How difficult is it for me to relinquish the codes of the world system for the alarming and bewildering codes of grace of heaven’s system? How willing am I to relinquish my assumptions and expectations regarding what I think I (and others) deserve? How readily do I accept and receive God’s merciful ways regarding myself, and others? All good questions, indeed!

The “great reversal” of the first being last and the last being first in the kingdom of God is confusing, for sure! From an earthly, worldly perspective it makes no sense, it can’t be figured out and it even seems quite unjust.  Is that because the world is in the realm of the mind, whereas, heaven is in the realm of the heart? Who can mentally grasp, let alone comprehend, the love, mercy and grace of God? Not me!

As I ponder this, I hear Jesus say to me:

“Dear child, don’t try to figure out my love—just receive it! Let go of the worldly codes that you were raised on and have worked so hard to observe; they will never satisfy the needs and longings of your heart and soul, they will only disappoint and exhaust you. Come to me and embrace my love, mercy and grace—both for yourself and for the world around you. There is NOTHING on this earth that I do not love—I love every person, animal, vegetable, mineral, land, sky, ocean, etc. I love it ALL! Embrace my love and allow my love to embrace you—only then can you be fully human, only then can you live life as it was intended to be lived. I want this for you because I love you and I want you to be with me always—each moment of each day.”

Thank you, Jesus! So be it! Amen!

shade

by hovering love

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This photo evokes opposite emotions within me. Viewing the rugged, sunny coastline, the rich blue ocean and the pale blue sky fills my heart with a sense of adventure and longing—longing for the sunny vision that’s nearby, just waiting for me to join it. The trees in the foreground that I view the coastline through are almost black in appearance—deeply in shadows compared to the brightly lit coastline. This makes me feel like I’m in the dark, watching from the shadows. That sounds ominous, but it doesn’t feel that way. Oddly enough, I feel content to stand in this shade—it’s cool and quiet here, protected from the wind off the ocean and the bright glare of the sun. This is not the “dead dark of night” that I feel. This shade is a place of rest, where I can catch my breath. It gives me a feeling of safety and peace. The adventure of this coastline is one that I’ve experienced before, and I have a sense that I’ll be returning to it soon enough. Just for now, though, I’m grateful for a moment in the shade, away from the hectic wind and the glaring light—a time to be still and at peace. As I stand here, I notice that the view is spectacular, especially when framed by the still, quiet shade.

As I sit with this photo and ponder the nature and tempo of my own life at present, I hear God speak to me:

“Come into the shade and rest with me. Let the adventure of each day be perfectly framed by my quiet, still and peaceful presence. The adventure will be exhausting, draining, if you don’t take time to breath with me. Don’t worry about missing anything; the adventure will still be there when you leave the shade. Come away, and be with me.”

soil

by hovering love

“Now you are ready to listen to the revelation of the parable of the sower and his seeds: . . .” Matthew 13:18 (TPT)

The parable of the sower recounts the tale of a farmer who goes out to sow seeds. As he sows, some of the seeds fall on the hard beaten path where the seeds can only lie on the surface waiting to be eaten by birds. Some seeds fall on gravel where the seeds sprout up quickly but wilt just as quickly when exposed to hot sun and no rain because they have no roots to sustain them. Some seeds fall among weeds where the seeds sprout but are overtaken and suffocated by the heartier weeds. And some seeds fall on good soil, soil that’s been carefully prepared, making it a receptive host for the seeds. These seeds sprout, grow, thrive and produce a harvest that exceeds the farmer’s wildest dreams.

Through the years, I’ve heard a variety of sermons preached on this parable and its intended meaning. I’ve listened as the four types of soil were related to the hearts and lives of four different types of people. Some people are hard beaten soil, some are gravel, some are filled with weeds and some are good soil. And there always seems to be exhortations for each kind of soil to make whatever changes are necessary for it to become the good type. But that hasn’t been my experience.

I have been all of these types of soil, and I have little doubt that I still am. This is my human reality: I can be each of these soils at different times and all of them simultaneously. I can be good soil regarding one aspect of my heart and being while being a hard beaten path regarding a different aspect of who I am and how I live. I can’t help but wonder how many seeds are continuously scattered upon me by the Holy Spirit that never even have a chance to germinate in my heart, let alone take root and produce a harvest? Far too many to count, I’m sure. Yet, the Holy Spirit keeps on sowing. I know this to be true; otherwise, there would be no evidence of any fruitfulness in my life at all. But I have experienced some pretty amazing fruit—harvests that have certainly exceeded my wildest dreams of what would happen or could even be possible.

Is there anything that I can do to prepare my own heart to be receptive to these seeds? I’ve heard all kinds of ideas on that subject, too. I have experienced only one thing that seems to make a real difference in the condition of my soil: humility. If I’m willing to be real with myself and with God, I’m much more likely to see change occur. Not that I’m capable of producing that change, but I am more changeable. After all, the soil is just the soil—not the farmer who prepares it, not the seed that sprouts and grows and produces fruit in it. I’m very grateful that the Holy Spirit continues to sow seeds upon me whether the soil of my heart is “good” or not.

Thank you, Father Son and Holy Spirit, for your mercy and grace. Thank you for continuing to prepare the soil of my heart, more and more, over time. Thank you for continuing to sow seeds within me whether I’m ready and willing to take them in or not. Thank you for producing your fruit within me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me and working with me just as I am. I love you. All that I am is because of you.

Amen!