Tag: spiritual formation

light

by hovering love

“ . . . No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness.  I provide plenty of light to live in.” John 8:12 (The Message)

“You decide according to what you can see and touch.  I don’t make judgments like that.”  John 8:15 (The Message)

 

I have certainly spent a fair amount of my life in some rather dark places—places where I felt or perceived absolutely no light at all.  And yet, I’m still here today following Jesus.  Amazing!  Jesus’ sight and judgment are “other worldly”.  I cannot perceive or understand them on my own.  Jesus graciously takes me by the hand and guides me through dark places—places where I can see and sense nothing, not even Jesus at times—towards the place where I can perceive His light again.  I don’t know why He’s chosen to do this for me, why His love and care for me are so great, but I am deeply grateful and thankful for it!

As I listen for God’s voice, in the current place of darkness that I find myself walking through, I hear Jesus say to me:

“I am providing plenty of light for you to walk with me through this difficult time.  Trust me, by holding tightly onto me, and I will guide you through to the light you seek.”

Thank you, Jesus, for your light, love and care.  Amen!

cairn

by hovering love

 

Cave Point, Door Co., WI – Version 2

 

“Jesus responded, “Listen to me.  If my followers were silenced, the very stones would break forth with praises.” Luke 19:40 (TPT)

As I approach the shoreline, I’m surprised to find something unexpected waiting for me.  The shoreline is simple, rocky and rugged, filled with small tidal pools (the water level is high).  The sky is a foggy blue and hosting a few gulls in flight.  I’m familiar with this scene, which is quiet and peaceful apart from the sound of waves upon the rocks and the gull’s occasional cries.  It’s a solitary scene – there’s not another human being in sight.  However, there is evidence of human presence all around me in the form of cairns – stone towers of varying shapes, sizes and heights; too many for me to count.  As I study some of the towers more closely, I’m amazed by their height and ability to remain standing.  Some stones are large and flat, good for stacking.  Some of the stones are small, unusually shaped and precariously placed.  These towers boggle my mind; the balancing act that keeps them upright defies my comprehension.  I’m in awe of their ability to stand at all, let alone through the movement of the waves.  As I ponder this marvel, Luke 19:40 pops into my mind.  I smile as I consider these stones; they have life and purpose, too, and I’m compelled to listen to their story.  They have something to teach me about God, and they offer me a sense of comfort and awe in the presence of this mystery.  They share a lesson in how God’s building techniques differ from those of mankind.  They also proclaim to me that I’m not alone on this earth – God’s creation is all around me at all times, being and living to enjoy their Creator.  I feel God’s loving presence in each cairn, wave and gull, and I’m thankful for the message of wonder and praise that they give.

As I quietly listen, I hear God say:

“My beloved child, everything that I build is built with wonder and mystery.  Many will look on and scoff at the simplicity of style, the unlikeliness of the materials that I choose and the ordinariness of the location itself.  Mankind looks for polish and finesse, things to puff the ego and impress.  I don’t build to puff or impress.  My building plan goes much deeper.  I build to bewilder the certain and delight the confused.  You will never be able to explain or understand how I build: in nature, in life, in love, in work and service, in relationships, in communities, in the hearts and souls of mankind, in anything.  But if you pay attention, you will know when I am the builder and when I am not.  My creations will always perplex, amaze, and mystify.  Keep your heart open and your mind free of concern; let my creations delight you.  Be available to be transparent and vulnerable as I call you to be.  Receive the redemption and transformation that I am building within you and through you.  Marvel at what my methods produce both in you and in others around you.  Entrust yourself to my mysterious methods and ways; they are tried and true.  Lean into my presence and follow me.”

 

miracle

by hovering love

“But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”  John 11:22 (NIV)

Martha is speaking to Jesus. She and her sister, Mary, have just lost their brother, Lazarus, who died four days earlier.  The unmarried sisters lived with their brother, and they all shared an intimate friendship with Jesus.  It appears that Martha has long filled the “mother” role: anticipating and perceiving needs, reviewing available resources, discerning what else must be acquired, completing tasks and getting the job done.  Perhaps Martha is doing that now regarding her and her sister’s future. These sisters live in a time and place where women are poorly valued; without an adult male to be aligned with, they are at the mercy of those who might be convinced to care and completely vulnerable to anyone who wants to take advantage of them.  Living with their brother provided Martha and Mary with the status, respect and protection they needed to survive, and now he is gone. Martha has always believed that Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah, the Son of God . . . but now?  In her loss and grief, when all status, provision and protection have been stripped from her and her sister, even now she knows that God will give Jesus whatever he asks for.  She is trusting and expecting that her dear friend and Messiah, Jesus, will ask God to provide for her needs, today and always.  An old word, not much heard today, comes to mind: stalwart.  Martha’s faith in Jesus is stalwart, impressively so.  She is believing in Jesus for a miracle!  Martha listens as Jesus begins to speak of resurrection, fully believing that Lazarus will be resurrected at the end of time.  She doesn’t begin to imagine that Lazarus will be resurrected before the end; being a human creature of earth, why would she? But she does have a miracle in mind. Perhaps, after so many years of being single, God will now provide good husbands for Martha and Mary; after all, alignment with a good man is what they have both lost and what they could both use now.  Is marriage the miracle that she is expecting?  Jesus tells her that he is resurrection and life now, and he asks her, “Do you believe this?”  Martha responds to Jesus’ question in the affirmative, and then she runs to tell Mary that Jesus is here and asking for her.

I am so impressed with Martha.  She is a person who knows how to get the job done, yet she doesn’t rely upon herself to provide for herself and her sister—this she leaves in the good and capable hands of Jesus.  In her severe pain, her belief in Jesus has not wavered.  I suspect that she’s simply believing in Jesus for a different miracle than the one he already plans to perform on her behalf.  I laugh with joy and excitement as I anticipate what is coming her way, and I wish I could be there to witness the experience!

As for me, I am currently experiencing circumstances that are causing me great pain.  I feel confused, disappointed, angry, helpless, fearful and heartbroken.  And I hear Jesus asking me the same thing that he asked Martha, “Do you believe this?”  I want to believe in Jesus for a miracle.  I am willing to believe in Jesus for a miracle.  I am trying to believe in Jesus for a miracle.  I am asking Jesus for a miracle.  Like Martha, I do have a miracle in mind, but I am beginning to realize that Jesus may already have a different miracle planned.  As I sit with this, I hear Jesus say to me:

“My beloved child, I know that you believe in me.  I know all that you believe, and your belief brings me great joy!  However, there is so much more that you do not know and have not yet experienced.  Therefore, there is still so much more that you have yet to believe.  Do not be discouraged when I ask you, “Do you believe this?”  I am simply introducing you to more and deeper knowledge and experience of myself, and I will ask you to believe more and deeper each step along the way.  Just like Martha, your faith is strong and you are well on your way!  Follow me. Your adventure with me has just begun!”

Ok!  Amen!

 

renewal

by hovering love

“Renewal”

Gretchen M. Meyer

 

I feel a strange renewal of the mind

Into which assurance softly sings

A subtle shifting of my point of view

Which changes thoughts of me to thoughts of you.

 

There is a slow enlargement of the heart

A warming of the icy plains inside

As glaciers melt and water growing gardens

In which there now bud blooms of love and life.

 

Then comes a sudden rebirth of the soul

Which burns all ancient bitterness away

Cleansing fires engulf my petty spite

As ashes wash away in waves of grace.

 

So as stagnant emotions slowly leave

It is amazing how much more there is of me.

 

earn

by hovering love

“And when those who had been hired first came to be paid, they were convinced that they would receive more.” Matthew 20:10 (TPT)

“Why should my generosity make you jealous of them?” Matthew 20:15 (TPT)

Jesus describes the kingdom of God with a story about a landowner who hires people to work in his field. He hires many people as he comes across them throughout the day: at daybreak, at 9:00am, at noon, at 3:00pm and at 5:00pm. He agrees to pay the accepted daily wage with each person he employs. When evening comes, the workers line up (from the last hired to the first hired) to receive their pay. When the workers hired at daybreak see those hired at 5:00pm receiving the full “daily wage” amount, they assume and expect that they will receive much more pay. When they are also given the agreed upon daily wage amount, the same amount received by those who only worked one hour compared to the entire day that they worked, they become offended and angry. They complain to the landowner, calling his treatment of them unfair. The landowner denies any unfairness and reminds them that they received the amount that they agreed to. He also states that he has a right to spend his money as he sees fit, and he sees no reason why his generosity would justify their jealousy of others.

I can understand and appreciate the conflict described in this story. The workers are coming from the perspective and goal of earning money. The landowner is coming from the perspective and goal of extending grace and mercy while simultaneously getting his grapes harvested. The landowner is not just thinking of his own personal gain (completing the harvest); he’s also thinking about his community—providing jobs and income for all the people that he can, and being generous in the process. The earliest workers appear to have no complaints until they compare themselves with those who are hired last—turning their focus towards getting what they think they deserve in comparison to what they believe others have earned. Their code of justice is offended, and they resent being viewed in the same light as others that they believe to be less deserving. I admit that I understand their anger. In the world system, which is based upon earning what you get, their experience is completely unfair—it is, in fact, downright un-American! But the landowner, who represents God, has a different system with a whole different view of justice—it cannot be “earned”, it can only be received. God’s justice is based on grace, mercy and love, not what you’ve done (earned) or not done. Therein lies the rub: world system vs. heaven system. I’m happy and grateful to be a recipient of God’s grace, mercy and love. But am I equally happy and grateful to observe others, who I believe to be less deserving, receive God’s grace, mercy and love as well? Am I humble enough to view myself as being in the same “undeserving boat” with others, especially those who I view as being thoroughly inhumane—unloving, uncaring and un-repentant? How difficult is it for me to relinquish the codes of the world system for the alarming and bewildering codes of grace of heaven’s system? How willing am I to relinquish my assumptions and expectations regarding what I think I (and others) deserve? How readily do I accept and receive God’s merciful ways regarding myself, and others? All good questions, indeed!

The “great reversal” of the first being last and the last being first in the kingdom of God is confusing, for sure! From an earthly, worldly perspective it makes no sense, it can’t be figured out and it even seems quite unjust.  Is that because the world is in the realm of the mind, whereas, heaven is in the realm of the heart? Who can mentally grasp, let alone comprehend, the love, mercy and grace of God? Not me!

As I ponder this, I hear Jesus say to me:

“Dear child, don’t try to figure out my love—just receive it! Let go of the worldly codes that you were raised on and have worked so hard to observe; they will never satisfy the needs and longings of your heart and soul, they will only disappoint and exhaust you. Come to me and embrace my love, mercy and grace—both for yourself and for the world around you. There is NOTHING on this earth that I do not love—I love every person, animal, vegetable, mineral, land, sky, ocean, etc. I love it ALL! Embrace my love and allow my love to embrace you—only then can you be fully human, only then can you live life as it was intended to be lived. I want this for you because I love you and I want you to be with me always—each moment of each day.”

Thank you, Jesus! So be it! Amen!

shade

by hovering love

20180901_131732

This photo evokes opposite emotions within me. Viewing the rugged, sunny coastline, the rich blue ocean and the pale blue sky fills my heart with a sense of adventure and longing—longing for the sunny vision that’s nearby, just waiting for me to join it. The trees in the foreground that I view the coastline through are almost black in appearance—deeply in shadows compared to the brightly lit coastline. This makes me feel like I’m in the dark, watching from the shadows. That sounds ominous, but it doesn’t feel that way. Oddly enough, I feel content to stand in this shade—it’s cool and quiet here, protected from the wind off the ocean and the bright glare of the sun. This is not the “dead dark of night” that I feel. This shade is a place of rest, where I can catch my breath. It gives me a feeling of safety and peace. The adventure of this coastline is one that I’ve experienced before, and I have a sense that I’ll be returning to it soon enough. Just for now, though, I’m grateful for a moment in the shade, away from the hectic wind and the glaring light—a time to be still and at peace. As I stand here, I notice that the view is spectacular, especially when framed by the still, quiet shade.

As I sit with this photo and ponder the nature and tempo of my own life at present, I hear God speak to me:

“Come into the shade and rest with me. Let the adventure of each day be perfectly framed by my quiet, still and peaceful presence. The adventure will be exhausting, draining, if you don’t take time to breath with me. Don’t worry about missing anything; the adventure will still be there when you leave the shade. Come away, and be with me.”

soil

by hovering love

“Now you are ready to listen to the revelation of the parable of the sower and his seeds: . . .” Matthew 13:18 (TPT)

The parable of the sower recounts the tale of a farmer who goes out to sow seeds. As he sows, some of the seeds fall on the hard beaten path where the seeds can only lie on the surface waiting to be eaten by birds. Some seeds fall on gravel where the seeds sprout up quickly but wilt just as quickly when exposed to hot sun and no rain because they have no roots to sustain them. Some seeds fall among weeds where the seeds sprout but are overtaken and suffocated by the heartier weeds. And some seeds fall on good soil, soil that’s been carefully prepared, making it a receptive host for the seeds. These seeds sprout, grow, thrive and produce a harvest that exceeds the farmer’s wildest dreams.

Through the years, I’ve heard a variety of sermons preached on this parable and its intended meaning. I’ve listened as the four types of soil were related to the hearts and lives of four different types of people. Some people are hard beaten soil, some are gravel, some are filled with weeds and some are good soil. And there always seems to be exhortations for each kind of soil to make whatever changes are necessary for it to become the good type. But that hasn’t been my experience.

I have been all of these types of soil, and I have little doubt that I still am. This is my human reality: I can be each of these soils at different times and all of them simultaneously. I can be good soil regarding one aspect of my heart and being while being a hard beaten path regarding a different aspect of who I am and how I live. I can’t help but wonder how many seeds are continuously scattered upon me by the Holy Spirit that never even have a chance to germinate in my heart, let alone take root and produce a harvest? Far too many to count, I’m sure. Yet, the Holy Spirit keeps on sowing. I know this to be true; otherwise, there would be no evidence of any fruitfulness in my life at all. But I have experienced some pretty amazing fruit—harvests that have certainly exceeded my wildest dreams of what would happen or could even be possible.

Is there anything that I can do to prepare my own heart to be receptive to these seeds? I’ve heard all kinds of ideas on that subject, too. I have experienced only one thing that seems to make a real difference in the condition of my soil: humility. If I’m willing to be real with myself and with God, I’m much more likely to see change occur. Not that I’m capable of producing that change, but I am more changeable. After all, the soil is just the soil—not the farmer who prepares it, not the seed that sprouts and grows and produces fruit in it. I’m very grateful that the Holy Spirit continues to sow seeds upon me whether the soil of my heart is “good” or not.

Thank you, Father Son and Holy Spirit, for your mercy and grace. Thank you for continuing to prepare the soil of my heart, more and more, over time. Thank you for continuing to sow seeds within me whether I’m ready and willing to take them in or not. Thank you for producing your fruit within me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me and working with me just as I am. I love you. All that I am is because of you.

Amen!

shine

by hovering love

“Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:15, 16 (The Message)

This passage of talk about being salt and light for the world has always elicited mixed emotions in me. For decades, I’ve heard far too many exhortations using this passage from the pulpit and fellow Christians to boldly evangelize everything and everyone around me, leaving me feeling like a second-rate Christian at best. This charge to be open with my life, generously sharing my life and being with others, goes against my personality and temperament. First of all, I am an introvert. My personality type is that of a 5 on the enneagram and an INFP on the Meyers Briggs scale (if that means anything to you). By nature, I am quiet, reserved, thoughtful, sensitive, deeply intuitive, intelligent, protective of my privacy and space, cautious and untrusting towards people that I don’t know but deeply engaging with people that I know and feel comfortable with. When I do interact with others, I prefer to do so in a one-on-one or small group manner, and I have little interest in superficial small talk. I accept and enjoy the way that God has made me, and I am content. However, being “salt and light for the world”, especially the kind that glows brightly from a hilltop that everyone near and far can easily see, does not come naturally to me! It feels frighteningly overwhelming! If I were asked to put myself out there in this manner for any other reason, my response would be a very quick “No, thank you!” But since this charge is for the sake of others, and is pleasing to God, it sounds a bit more appealing—still an unpleasant and stretching challenge for me, but more appealing all the same.

I appreciate how The Passion Translation puts this in terms of being the kind of salt and light that is beneficial to everyone in the house. The inside of my house is not glaring brightly on a hilltop for all to see, it’s much more intimate, personal and real—something that I feel much more comfortable with, even with strangers. As odd as it may sound considering how I’ve described myself, I am willing to share my life and being with others, even painful or humiliating truths and experiences, if I sense that it will benefit them in any way. All humans are unique, made with painstaking cleverness and creativity on God’s part. Therefore, all humans will respond to and obey God’s charges in ways that are unique to them—unique to the person that God created them to be. We all have our own unique ways of fulfilling the charge to “shine”.

As I sit quietly with this passage of Scripture, I hear God’s gentle invitation to me:

     “My child, trust me to place you where you will be of most benefit to yourself and others—both among those you see regularly and those who are strangers to you. Trust me to be involved in each and every interaction that you have. Know that no part of yourself that you share with others will ever be lost or shared in vain. I am not wasteful with your life, your love or your being. Remember, nothing is ever wasted with me. Be anxious for nothing. Come, and follow me.”    

plan

by hovering love

“He spoke plainly about this, and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter.  . . . ‘You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.’” Mark 8:32,33 NIV

Poor Peter!  He responds to Jesus’ words as someone whose dearest loved one has just announced that they have been fatally diagnosed and only have weeks to live.  Denial, objection, determined to find a cure and fight to the bitter end—I can almost hear Peter say, “We can beat this! You must live!”  Peter is stunned but not stopped, determined to find the solution that will bring about what he desires most of all.  Peter is just as resolute in this moment (that Jesus should live and reign) as Jesus is (that he must die and be resurrected)—perhaps even more so. But Jesus won’t allow himself or his other disciples to be swayed by Peter’s temporal focus, and he sets the record straight.  How hard this must have been for all of them—a moment, a time and a truth that was drenched in deep, deep sorrow.

As I reflect on this story, I realize that Peter’s desire that Jesus live and reign was perfectly in line with God’s plan; however, his timing and manner of execution were all wrong. Just like Peter, we humans often have deep longings and desires that are perfectly in line with God’s plan for our lives and beings.  And just like Peter, our timing and manner of execution frequently involves avoiding the necessity of waiting and suffering and sacrifice—things that must be involved to make it all holy.  Peter wants the glory without the pain; he wants it to be easily acquired and he wants it now (for Jesus, himself and all the others).  But experiencing the process of being disentangled from this world so you can be fully invested in God’s kingdom takes time, and it involves suffering and the loss of personal sacrifice—letting go of the false before you can grab ahold of the true.  Peter is learning, though, as we all must—the hard way.  This hardship has its cost, but also its benefit.  Hope emerges as we embrace and endure the sufferings, losses and sacrifices along the way.  This is the means by which our hope is made true, pure and indestructible.

God bless Peter.  God bless us all.

Amen!

measure

by hovering love

“All throughout his time with his disciples, Jesus had demonstrated a deep and tender love for them. And now he longed to show them the full measure of his love.”  John 13:1

Dear Jesus,

What does it look like for you to demonstrate the “full measure of your love” for me?  The full measure of your love appears to be that it’s immeasurable, far too vast and never-ending to sufficiently survey, value or assess.  How do I measure that which is immeasurable?  I don’t believe that I can; the very best that I can do is simply allow myself to receive and experience its fullest effects.

What does it look like for me to demonstrate the “full measure of my love” for you, and for others? I’ve never deluded myself by imagining that the same could be said of my love—immeasurable.  However, I have been created in your image—the image of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. If that is true, and I believe it is, then I cautiously suspect that the real measure of my love is much different than I’ve ever reckoned it to be.  In your image, it only makes sense that the love that my heart and soul have to offer is much larger, deeper and longer lasting than anything I’m usually inclined to give it credit for, or even explore.  I believe this to be true; yet, help me in my unbelief.  I often feel that I don’t have much love to give.  At the same time, I do realize that the smallest amount of love can go a long way—if I am willing to take the risk to put it out there, express it, and demonstrate it  and  if I can just get past the fear.

Throughout my life, love has frequently felt like a dangerous experience for me—like inadvertently placing myself out on a limb that someone is already in the process of sawing off.  As a result, I’ve learned to “measure” out my love, with the care, caution and hypersensitivity of a frightened animal.  This is the condition of my heart and soul without the touch and transformation of your immeasurable love.  But now that your touch and transformation have come to me, I must realize that the measure of my love is no longer as it was.  The cowering, frightened animal is an illusion, not my reality.  The time has come for me to say “good bye” to the fear so I can live into the real, renewed measure of my love, both for you and for others.  It’s time for me to step into and rejoice in my own immeasurable love—the share of your divinity that you have placed within me.  If I promise to exercise the measure of courage that I possess, will you show me what it looks like for me to demonstrate the full measure of my love?

As always,

I am yours, and yours alone.