cloud

“While he was speaking, a cloud appeared and covered them, and they were afraid as they entered the cloud.” Luke 9:34 (NIV)

Jesus climbed up onto a mountain to pray, taking James, John and Peter with him. The three disciples were very sleepy, perhaps even nodding off a bit. Without them realizing it, something spectacular began to occur. They must have wondered at first if they were dreaming, but they rapidly became fully awake and aware of the odd and amazing happenings in their midst. The disciples saw Jesus speaking with two other men (whom they somehow recognized as Moses and Elijah), all three of whom were glowing brightly white. In his flustered excitement, Peter began babbling about making something in honor of the occasion only to be interrupted by an even more overwhelming occurrence—they found themselves being enveloped by a cloud in which they heard the actual voice of God speaking to them. Is it any wonder that they felt fear as they entered this cloud?

Considering this “cloud of God’s presence” brings to my mind the anonymous work of Christian mysticism, “The Cloud of Unknowing”. Entering into the cloud of God’s presence and mystery (my unknowing) is worthy of eliciting fear: of the unknown, of being in the presence of ultimate power and holiness, of having no control, of the limitations and inadequacies of being human, etc. The reasons for experiencing fear (in the form of both terror and awe) in the presence and mystery of God are without end. I find the relationship between these two uses of the word “cloud” to be both curious and unnerving. I appreciate and empathize with the disciples’ fear in that moment. The prospect and possibility of entering into the presence and mystery of God causes me to feel the same. I long to be united with God as closely and completely as I can, yet I often fear the personal changes involved in entering “the cloud of unknowing”. That’s why I am tempted to turn back and retrace old steps instead of allowing myself to enter and walk through the cloud with God. I never know what awaits me in both the fear itself and the unknown before me, or how it will turn out in the end. As I ponder my dilemma, I hear Jesus say this to me:

“Fear will always be present in this earthly life, but it has no real power over you. YOU CHOOSE – either to give in to the fear, or to push it aside and continue on your way. Being and living in my Kingdom requires you to demonstrate bravery—to resist the fear, and trust in my love and power for you. I am always with you . . . ALWAYS! Trust in my forever and always presence with you, and continue on your way. The “end result” will never be what you think you desire, anticipate or expect. Enter into the fear knowing this to be true, and be flexible enough to accept and receive what I bring to you. My love and care for you will NEVER change. The end game is always MINE, and it’s always far better than you desire, anticipate or expect (not just for you, but also for all those around you). Only the smallest amount of bravery is needed to send you on your way—I work miraculous wonders with very small things. Don’t be afraid when I envelope you in my cloud. Bravely enter into it. Look for me there, and you will find me. And, as always, follow me.”