lament

Dear Lord, Abba Father, you have healed many wounds in my heart, soul and spirit through the years, the decades.  I know that you have seen needs and wounds that I could not look at, and you have gently debrided and cleansed and healed them all.  Thank you.

But now my body is failing me simply because I am growing old.  Lord Jesus, you who never felt the ravages of old age, how can you empathize with me now?  You suffered horrible wounds, but they passed from you quickly, in a matter of hours, through the coming of your death.  My pain lingers on, year after year after year, and grows worse with each passing day.  In what way have you gone before me, to lead me through my physical decline?

I am your humble follower, human in every way.  Forgive me of my sins, my doubts, my grumbling and my lack of deep trust and reliance upon you.

I do not ask that you heal me of this degenerative disease.  I know that it is a reasonable companion — evidence that you have sustained and blessed me with long life so far.  But I do ask that you would use my suffering to make me more and more like Christ — fully human and yet divine, a bearer and sharer of your mercy, love and grace.  Nothing more fully embodies despair than to suffer in vain, for no purpose or gain.  Let my suffering produce transformation within my heart, spirit and soul — transformation that fills me to overflowing; an overflow of love, compassion and grace that impacts everyone around me.  Give me strength and courage to suffer well.

“You are my precious child always, regardless of your earthly age.  I will be with you.  I will walk through this with you.  I will produce the very nature of Christ within you through your pain.”

Thank you for your generous mercy and grace.  Thank you for the depth of your love for me — deeper than the deepest depth that I can imagine.  Thank you for bringing me into union with you through the vehicle of my earthly physical pain.

Amen!